Sunday, October 18, 2009

Ahh is it Sunday again!

I have been battling with myself again... I am going into more positive thinking with my back... I have to learn not to worry what others think... and learn to let things go.  I think I am carrying all these years of stress on or in my back and that this is contributing to my back problems!

It has been nearly 2.5 weeks since I pulled a few muscles and they should be getting better.. well they are just not as quick as I would like!  *Nothing is ever as quick as I would like it it be!*

The diet.. well I am still be careful.. but saying that this morning I did have two pieces of toast with butter.. Mmmm real butter and marmite... *Marmite is the only thing there that I could eat freely ...damn!*

One day at a time eh!  Always one day at a time.

Had a big chat with GOS last night and got a lot off my chest.. or should I say back!  And I keep saying affirmations to myself...I love myself and am a good person and I will be free from pain... then I throw in that what others think doesn't matter and let go off it all.  I find if I do this with deep breathing I do relax more.

Goodness I know how to relax.... nope not with a drinkypoos or fags... as I dont' do either... Oh crap.. what a life!

But I have to set myself some goals of what I want out of my life.  and stick to them to make them work.

So here are a few...

Lose weight
Be healthy
Be happy
Not be self consious
Not to worry what others think of me
Do what I like
Express myself more verbally so not to hold on to emotions.  *Can manage this with loving things, but can't seem to tell people what I think when they hurt me*
Learn to love myself
Realise that I can not change my past.
Let go of old emotions
Dump a lot of thoughts

There that is a few to be getting on with.... I know that Rome wasn't built in a day ... so baby steps!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Day Two......

Yeah ok.. so I had a few crisps last night and ermm I didn't have gravy and made the pork roast a healthy one... but might have had a little too much pork...  but then I counted that as 2 x hs so that is ok.. I guess!

Today so far...

B.. 2 bananas and an apple

L:  Tin spag and a yogurt and coffee.

HA. Milk.

Getting so frustrated still with my back... I just want to be normal and be able to get around without thinking that hurts... goodness I am not old  yet!  *Or maybe I am..eek!*

Dinner was.... a soya cottage pie... was actually lovely... 1.5 syns as I added parm cheese to the spuds!

Had some fruit and then took some crisps and allotted liquorice to bed to munch on while watching Medium!   *Wish I was a medium... in both senses *

Oh poop not sure what I did there!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What Again!

Oh gee... if you were me you too would be beating yourself up!  I feel the weight clinging to my hips etc again and I so want to say.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... but the will power seems to have just taken a run and jump!

Think we are on Wednesday and every day this week I have got up going... "Today's the day!"  only to find that I eat the wrong things and then feel guilty and then eat more.. and you of course I see I am in that trap again!

I think I need to plan more.  Get myself really sorted.  I know my back pain/strain has been getting me down.  Actually reduced me to tears rather a lot!

There is so much I want to do... not just slimming wise... but to the house.  The shutters are out on the back porch waiting to be sanded down and repainted.  Wanted to do this before we go to the UK.  Also the hardware needs putting back on... but GOS will do that.   Then the one side of the house needs scraping and repainting...  just so scared I am going to hurt my back again.

Hurting it this time caused lots of problems with GOS!  The least said about that the better but it wasn't nice!

My brother keeps calling me asking me when we are going over too?  Doh... talk of the devil.. just called and drafted a letter for him.

Well had brunch of 2 apples a banana and a yogurt.  I am debating to try and mow the lawn.. but worried about my back.... the mower has a pull cord to start it and it would be the same side that I hurt and worried if I pull then it will go again... oh I do hate being like this!

On a better note though.. the sun is shining.. although still a chill in the air.

Drat.. GOS wants a roast this evening... what am I going to eat grrrr!  Why when you know you shouldn't eat .. you want to more and more!


Just been speaking to my friend and her sister has cancer... they thought it would be a while although they knew nothing more could be done to help her.  She has just had the bad news that her lovely sister only has weeks and is going to a hospice next week.  My heart goes out to them all... has really upset me.

Also heard this week a friend son passed away suddenly... just seems so much of it about.. or is it just that they are people I know and it seems more prominent.

Heat pack on back seems to have been working well throughout the day... I have one more left.   Going to be a very cold night tonight.. typical it would be wouldn't it.  *Guess no sexy nighty for me again tonight*

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Right scrap yesterday... that sort of went out of the window rather quickly.... *It was that darn quiche and the shortbread biscuits I made*

Why is the food out to get me?  I can't stop thinking of it.. do you think I need help?  Mmm maybe I do.. nah this is normal.. you always want what you can't have.

Spoke to brother today.. he suggested I come over earlier...  but worried about going over if honest.... I don't like the unknown.

Oh guess what... today is the first day in oh 10 days that I am not clutching at my head... I am not going to say that the dreaded headache from hell has left me ... but it has eased.... *Might have something to do with me saying to myself all the time.. I don't give a crap.. just relax*  What do you think?

Job front.... have been looking on line at gumtree and stressing myself out over that.   Does make me wonder what I would be good at.. and yet I know I am very good  *Yes very good* at lots of things and I am an intelligent person.  Would love to think I could walk into a job... but then I think all the others over there think and hope that to!  So under no illusions there... shame as I am worth my weight in gold... *Oooo now think what I could do with all that gold!*

Am still waiting to hear back from online employer who has been poorly bless her... she is going to be sending me another edit this evening.. but it is already 11.15pm here and she isn't well.  So maybe it will be there tomorrow.

Daughter... she should be coming back tonight from my holiday... I do hope she has had a good time.  I know her BF is waiting for her and is going to ask her to give me a quick call to let me know she got home safely..... have really missed chatting with her.

Darn MSN... it has been playing up tonight... how am I to annoy people if I can't get on there!

*Did I mention I am thinking of food all the time..... blow the sexy nighties... feed me*

GOS has been his usual odd self... one minute nice and the next.. well threw the remote sort of at me the other night cause he got stroppy!  Men eh!

Well I am now going to go into the kitchen to see if there is something healthy that I can munch on ... yes I have to walk past the table where GOS has his bowl of sweets.. in lovely flavours.. also his white chocolate and crisps.....

*Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me.. why was I not born skinny.. ok slim... alright just a little overweight darn it!*

Oh food today...

AM:  Fruit

MDay:  Spag fruit and yog

PM:  Fruit.. pumpkin and cumin soup *Now that was flipping great homemade too.. I am good*  Pork chop with chili pasta ricotta and herbs oh and some onion.


HB  Pork
HA  Milk

Syns  1.5 Parm cheese 1 tbspn

Might go get some bran flakes they are nice to crunch on... night all.. night john boy

Monday, September 28, 2009

Another Monday...

Yes... yes... where have I been?  Honestly... I have been stuffing my face rather stupidly....

So today being a Monday I thought I would give it another go... as it is this time last year that I decided I was going to lose weight and did... and how all these months have gone by and I have still be dieting on and off and not lost anymore since Christmas.. shocking isn't it really!!

Not sleeping that well... as I have been nursing a headache for just over a week!  Last Monday I woke only to stretch and pull the muscles in my lower lumber!  *Is this it.. is this what I have to look forward to?*

The little job is going ok, I have done four edits so far.... just hoping that she is going to send me some more.

Spoke to daughters boyfriend last night on the net... think I will keep my judgments to myself for now!  *I know not like me is it!!*

So going to keep this short and sweet....Oh except for a nag to my friend who is going to nag her boss to see if he wants to take me!!  SO NAG NAG NAG!!

Todays food....

AM.  1 apple and 2 bananas

*Would have started it today... I made some really yummy shortbread biscuits yesterday and a fantastic puff pastry chicken and cheese quiche.  Just hope GOS eats it... as don't want it to go to waste!*

You know I think all this crap food has contributed to my headaches... well I know for a few days now I am going to feel pretty shitty as with the change in food... but bring it on... SUPPORT ME!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This should be our motto..... but hey...

I have been good today... so far.. more than my five pieces of fruit and veg...

2 plums, 2 apples, half a melon, % fat yogurt and a % fat jelly....

Well off to do some sanding down and get half a pumpkin from a friend.....

BBL... oh you might want to check out my other blog... only just started it.. so will have to see how it goes...

*Oooo should really put some content on the page... *
It is now looking more like winter out there.. from my office I can see the wind moving the trees as it blows.. also I can hear the rustling of the leaves.  The sky has a pale lilac colour to it...and looking out.. the hedges need cutting back and the lawn trimming again!

I am really a winter girl... I would like to say that it does not affect my eating habits.. *But erm that would be a porky... Ooo food!!*

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Good Luck Tuesday! 15th September 2009

What have I got to be happy about I hear you cry... I have put on weight.. *Not a lot but still* The nights are drawing in .. *But means wrapping up nice and snug .. and getting the chance to see all the programmes I love on the telly*... well there are lots of things really... shall I list some...

I have my family and friends...
I am alive
I am smaller now than I was this time last year!
My daughter is healthy and happy.. long may that last!
I have a beautiful home...
and I got the job as EDITOR... *Runs around her office like a raving lunatic waving her arms about*

Ok so it is only a part time role... and I am a contracted Editor.. which does mean they don't have to send me work to edit.. but if I am good... and prove that I can do the job.. there is a chance I could go to Senior Editor.. and... as I love crafting.. I could if clever... try and get them to take me on as a designer.. but will see how it goes to start with...

Might start another blogg about card crafts.. *Also crafting stops me eating as I get so engrossed in what I am doing... so not a bad thing eh*

So I am worried to say.. but are things on the up.. I mean I have felt so low and glum since my sister passed away 4.5 years ago... are things going to take a turn for the better for a while.. cause goodness knows we could do with it. I am not complaining.. just there have been so many times I have thought... "Give me a break" and "Why can't something go right for us for a change"

So keep those fingers crossed and lets hope that life is on the up.

The Wii is against me at the moment.... it says I put on two pound over night... grrr... but I again did my 20 min run.. and then my set of exercises with the Wii Active.... if you don't have that.. get it.. it is really good! *But did break my elastic strap today.. so will have to get another one doh*

Anyway... my thought for today is.. to try to remain positive as eventually the goodness has to come round to each and everyone of us....

*Wanders off thinking .. oh am I going to pay for feeling happy about getting a job??!!*

Vikki's Creations.. her blog and the candy she is giving away... worth checking it out!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Silly Sunday 13.09.09

Nothing like starting the day off with some darn Wii scary game... "Cursed Mountain" is a good game.. if you have hand and eye coordination.. and that I am not good at! *Well I can't be good at everything* I like the investigational part of the game.. but as for fighting ghouls.. *Gets my heart racing and I can think of better ways to do that!*

Best played in the dark.. *No not me.. well actually that isn't a bad idea...* but the game silly! And once you get past the tuition bit.. it moves on and you have to learn more and more moves... and that is what confuses me.. keep it simple is what I like...

*No this isn't a self portrait or my MIL tut*

Anyway.. today is antoher cool day, but the pollen count must be high as eyes are itching and seem to be sneezing a darn lot today.

Keep thinking about that job I applied for.... the pay isn't much.. and goes by how much you hand in.. but.. well.. it would be nice to get it.. but heyho!

Not much further forward with the MIL *Mother in law of course* plans... but it is still early days. Had suggestions that just have a massive party.. surpise one.. but she will know something is going on as she has to come from Wales to Bristol so sort of gives that away doesn't it.

I wouldn't mind her and I doing something for a day.. or morning.. you know one of those make your own purfume days... but not sure she would be into that as she has dodgy skin.. as in senstive.... well you never know.. I might do it with Daughter or a friend..

Christmas is coming isn't it... must check again at bottom of page how many days.. it says

102 days 9 hours 58 mins and 45 seconds... *whhhooooooohhhhooo, I do like Christmas.. it isn't about the gifts... it is spending time with the ones you love and making memories*

Did I mention Daughter has now been offered a permenant position with RAC.. she is taking it with a good pay rise... so really proud of her there! But then she said she had a boyfriend... *Mmmm why does something good always come with something you worry about?* Well he is the 21, with a child of 2, daughter, and works at the same place she does. I do hope he is nice.. I have been told that I am not allowed to threaten to break his legs or pour burning candle wax in his eyes.. so I suggested concrete boots if he is horrid to her, but she didn't want to go for that either! *She is such a party pooper at times!* I really do hope he treats her well.. as I don't like to think that my 20 year old baby will get hurt.

Ooo the sun is coming out...

Didn't sleep well last night.. in fact the night before either I didn't. I asked GOS if he prodded me in the side at around 2. 30 am ish.. and he said he didn't.. this is a story I will continue on with later... as going to make a Christmas card....

BBL ..............

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Where did August Go?

Yikes we are in September already.. and today it is like a cool winter's day..*Not that I mind as I do prefer cooler weathers to the heat.. *

I haven't written for ages as I still seem to be battling with this darn eating thing... die if I don't and can die if I do.. *Over eating that is.. as in too much* Wonder how much you have to eat before your stomach bursts? Anyone know.. might have to look that up!

Well my friend is back from her hols with her bloke... Mmmm no comment on him.. but I think she is wonderful so we can over look some things can't we!

I have been sort of good the last few days..been on the Wii Active.. did 1 hour and 15 mins yesterday and the day before half hour.. and we are going to have a Wii night tonight.. ... *Yes just GOS and me... Mmm will see how that goes... maybe even a drink...* I wonder should I do it in my sexy black nighty... *Nah want to keep everything in its place.. nothing worse that it flopping around your knees lol.. no they don't! Get that out of your head to start with tut!*

I am going to try and organise a bash for the mother in law for her 70th Birthday.. I sent out an email to all her children and their children and think we are going to get the mother in law to come to us.. in the uk that is... as there are far more people to travel to her than take us to her! Will keep you posted on that... the D day for this is 19th December.. which also happens to be my sister's birthday too...

Well can't stop thinking of food... maybe I need to turn my thoughts to something else... Mmm now what is there... food... sex.. food... sex... *OMG I think I am turning into a man.. ahh no missed out .. scratch balls... fart.. drink .. rummage in front of trousers and leave hand there... WHY DO THEY DO THIS? so luckily I have a very long way to go before I turn into one...*

Going to read my book I think..

Oh applied for an online job.. would be nice to get it .. as only part time and doing something I love.. but will have to wait and see.... keep you posted on that too...

Oooooo hope you are all ok out there...


Well I heard back from the job.. they sent more information... so I replied.. of course! Then got another email from them with a sample. So I completed that.. and sent that off and now sat here waiting to hear from them? Never know.. fingers crossed *But hard to type*...

Not sure what to have for dinner so will do something boring as GOS is having corned beef hash *Yuk*

Waiting for GOS to say when we can start our Wii night....

*Taps fingers*

*Taps fingers for longer*

Oooo we are off.. night all!!

Sunday, August 30, 2009


Yes are you wondering where I have been the last couple of days...

Pigging out.. why I have no idea..

So monday is again upon us tomorrow and no doubt I will get on the scales and they will say I have put on again.. And I have no one to blame but myself...

Tomorrow is a new day and I know I should start now.. but feel like beating myself up a bit longer for some strange very stupid reason!!

So speak tomorrow when I am full of even more remorse for eating things I shouldn't have!! AGAIN!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Wednesday.. Bahhh! 26th August 09

Yep the scales are against me again... they are raging war with me personally... what did I doooooo *Maybe over eating the last month.. that might have something to do with it...*

Anyway.. yesterday.. they read.. 00.04.8 today is a different story... 00.06.6 ... ok so where did that nearly 2 lb come from.

Spent nearly the whole morning doing Wii fit or some other fitness coach one.. *Nearly killed myself!!.. do you care.. do you.. do you really?*

Have to admit.. I am aching a little... Gave three of them a go this morning and did about 1.30 plus.. just seemed to take all morning as you have to go from one exercise to another... but think.. ouch is now in need.

Just had a call from a friend down the road.. they are madly doing their house up to sell and move to Aus.. and they asked GOS for some help... he has agreed to take me along and I will be the goffer... well this I don't mind.. but he had the cheek.. yes the darn cheek to tell me that I have done NOTHING... *Yes did you hear me.. NOTHING!!* since we got back from the UK...

I take it I didn't cook...clean... entertain as in eyebrows.. facials.. make-up.. eyelash tinting... talking till silly hours in the morning... Oh just cause he is mad with himself.. I am sick of him taking it out on me!

What is the matter with the GOS's of the world. As we were walking to our friends house it started.. so I said give me the key to the house he can go alone... well then he said I will tell them exactly why I didn't come... what that I am a lazy bitch and never do anything for anyone but sit on my arse all day!!

I mean yes he did do the BBQ for one night last week.. but I did not see him saying.. *Darling yeah right!* Would you like a hand with anything.. just sit at table moan about my food to everyone then sit down and play games or watch telly.... Tell me where in that is doing something constructive.

Sadly the girls did tell me things he had said about me behind my back... just a shame it has got to point scoring..

Oddly enough though.. one minute he is shouting and the next he is as lovely as anything...

Best go check GOS's dinner before I burn it and have to smash the plate over his head for moaning about it .. cause he is watching telly again! I wouldn't mind but we have seen this episode of Malcolm in the middle a 100 times!!!


Mmm food for the day...

Breakfast: 2 eggs on three WW malted loaf. Marmite


Dinner: Pork chop... garlic wedges... corn on cob... quark..

Snacks: Apple and banana


HB Gammon Bread.


Syns used this week... 2.5

So far!!

Mmm .. think I am having a blood shunt and want to sleep now... should I nap or should I force myself to stay awake???

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tense Tuesday!! 25th August 09

Goodness!!! Talk about tense today... my muscles are killing me in my back.. in fact kept me awake most of the night... but on a good note.. it shows that the Wii is working.

Not been on there yet today as GOS has taken over the telly again... Last night I was watching the second part of corrie and he said... "You watching this?" Ermm yeah! He then replied that we have 3 telly's in the house.. so I got up and went to bed! Thought I can't be arsed to say if you were watching something and I wanted the telly do you think you would shift your arse.. nope! And then to top it off.. a few hours later he comes upstairs and turns the bedroom telly on and it was really loud!! Men!!!!!!!!!!

Am I the only one who lives with someone like that.. or are they all like it?

Breakfast: Apple

Lunch: Pasta in sauce.. Tomato and onion with 2 boiled eggs and some sweetcorn

Dinner: Gammon, boiled pots and some salad.. might even do a corn on the cob first. No doubt some frozen muller light.. love them as they take me ages to eat lol Also had half a small tube of virtually fat free quark.. yum!


Syns: 1/2 Pasta tom and Onion Sainsbury's own brand. Extra light Mayo 2 syns

HB Gammon


Syns used this week... 2.5


Now nearly 5 pm... whoooo hooo.. does that mean it is time for dinner soon.. so looking forward to the gammon.

Back is still killing me.. not done the Wii yet.. cause when I make a dash for the lounge.. GOS seems to sense it and comes up!!! Maybe in the middle of the night.

Just been talking to a friend.. well I say friend lightly.. seing as she has just called am a No 1 Bitch!! *At last I am No 1 at something or for something*

I have given her a task of finding me a job for October.. but I know she will be far to busy keeping her eyes closed on the sun beds... she is working her way towards a nice leatherly look for a handbag!! At the rate she goes on the sun beds.. will get the shoes.. matching head band and bangle!!

No she is lovely really... just she couldn't meet me on my last visit!! So going to give her grief now...

Anyone of you interested in the afterlife??? If you live in the Bristol Area.. then it will be worth taking a look at this for sure....

Ghost Hunters.. In Bristol....

Also you could also look at this site....

Spiritual Souls is a warm loving site and we offer FREE information on all spiritual matters. Here you can receive readings from our readers or join in with our classes to open you up to the spiritual world. Everyone has the ability to do this although it does take time and practice. Anyone can read in our chat rooms as long as staff are present during the read unless it is an approved reader. From time to time you may be offerd a read please state if you would not like a read. Please note all the staff and readers on this site work voluntarily and give their time to help make this site run and without their help this wouldn't be possible.Please remember that all reads are for entertainment only. Spiritual Souls can not be held responsable for the content of the read. You MUST BE 18 OR OVER to enter this site.

Spiritual Chat


Drat.. can't stop thinking of food today.. I want my dinner.


Well nearly another day and still only had one HB.. so going to see what else I can rummage through and fancy... Might have some WW bread and cheese triangle light ones... *Why do they say light.. as they do not light up.. less fat or less what ever.. but light*

Been talking to step daughter tonight.. finally she has gone out and got some facial cleanser and a moisturiser but no toner!! But at least she has stopped using the UV lamp on her face. The damage she has caused from that is unbelievable... has more lines than me and I am double her age!!!

Wonder if anyone does read this.. my ramblings lol... *Gee it is hot.. or is that just me!!!*

Night all ........

Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday New Start - 24th August 2009 Wii Day 1

Ok ok.. so I have just spent basically more than a month pigging out... yesterday was no exception!! I think I must have tried to eat the entire contents of the house... Why.. well in fear that I will go hungry from today onwards!!!

Which I know is completely stupid and now I have all that extra weight that I have put on to lose. I am going to try and aim to do at least and hour to an hour and half a day on the Wii... this will help posture as well as weight loss...... *I hope*

Have to say I am dreading getting on there.. good thing about it though is that it is password protected.. but GOS will still see the slope with the weight gain from the chart.

BUT... hopefully it will go down again.... possibly slowly.. but down it will go.

I have noticed the extra weight.. in my clothes and how I generally feel... also the food intake of junk has made me rather sluggish. And.... I don't like that feeling.

Oh GOS is walking about upstairs and I haven't even got on there yet... will have to wait till he goes now to do it!! Not showing him my password... *That is for sure!!!*

Just go and get his cup ready... bet he is going to be watching the sports on telly.... *Yawn.. bad enough doing it... let alone watching those slim bitches in skimpy shorts run like the wind... I will give them run like the wind with a good fry up.. not that I eat fry ups..doh*


Coffee made and GOS has gone downstairs.... he has his work gear on today..

I am going to start my Wii while he is not in the lounge... wish me luck!! *I might need it for the first week!!*

Oh..drat... he has just come up from his dungeon... will have to wait now! GOS has moved to the lounge and I have just heard the click of the television but no sound yet! Mmmm wonder what he is up to!!

Did I mention a large lump on my right arm.. yes .. itches like mad .. darn mosquitos... also a small lump on my forehead *Yes attractive I know.. thank goodness my hair covers that!* some on my back and some on the top of my arm.... darn things... Did anyone ever get back to me.. what are their purpose?

Let's see if I can turf him out of the house to do his work and I can crack on with the Wii fit!!!

Oh did you like the photos above.. hope they inspire...

What is he up to.. he has gone back down again but have a feeling it won't be for long!



Ok.. I am back.. it is now 2.o2 pm... got to do 52 minutes of the Wii fit before someone came to the door... here picture this....

Me ...*That is bad enough to start with...* wearing dark blue jogging pants rolled up to calf length... light blue spaghetti top and an extra black bra with cream lace on for extra support.... then the dreaded happens. *Yes always does to me doesn't it*

I am jogging around the lounge and dining room... and the door bell rings.. I know.. I know...*I never even thought and opened the door still jogging on the spot with the wii controls in my hand!! *The shame of it*

It was a neighbour who wanted a card...she kindly agreed to come back in just under an hour.. which left me time in the end to do the 52 mins.. and grab a quick shower.. get downstairs to see her coming to the door and me bracing myself to say sorry for my attire!!

I must keep it in my head not to get like homer simpson in the animated gif above!! Or anymore like him!!

Breakfast: 2 apples, half a pear and banana

Lunch: Pasta Chicken and mushroom... added 2 boiled eggs.. chilli garlic .. some yellow pepper rather nice!!



Feeling tired now after dinner!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Relaxing Sunday!

Ahh right well I am back again!! *Oh nooooooooo I hear you cry.. stop it!!*

This is the first time in .. ooh must be just over a month that we have the house back to ourselves or not going anywhere.

Yesterday was a manic trip to the uk.. we dropped the kids off at the coach station then did some food shopping and then back home on the ferry! Was shattered last night! So today was a day that I could have had a real good lay in.... and why didn't I? Darn mosquito's again!! *Why are they out to ruin my life.. feeling so tired and going to be grumpy all day now!*

But back to the house... nice to hear the peace and quiet...listen.. what do you hear? Well I just hear the clock that my lovely departed sister got me for a wedding gift. It has a wonderful rhythmic sounds *As clocks do!!* Makes me feel to go back to bed.. but will that mossy be there waiting for me!

Tomorrow is D Day again for me... I have had just over a month off from my diet and have to say I am feeling rather ashamed of myself... and I know that I have put on weight.. but what went on can come off...So I am going to start afresh tomorrow and possibly take some time to plan some meals today for the week so I can keep on track.

At least this time I can do some extra exercise with the Wii... I was wondering if you can run with other wii's online... will look into that today. As will then group up with some friends and do a run... makes it more exciting... not that I can run far lol. But was thinking if I can stick to that for a while.. I might eventually go for a jog around the village..... *Might scare the cattle though as I pass them..mmmm!*

GOS is in bed... had terrible bouts last week of really not liking him much... his snapping at me and moaning and constant belittleing in front of his children... I really don't like that. It was getting really childish and one upmanship was really starting to get to me. I know poor GOS gets miserable.. but don't we all!

I got him a lovely pair of designer jeans.. and yes I didn't pay full price for them but I joked that I am not going to buy him anymore and would like to see him burn £50.00 instead *Story is he was doing the pool and putting in the bleach as you do and got it all down these new jeans.. not blue jeans but brownish* He then went on to say that I would only ever pay 4.99 for them or anything and never purchased anything higher.. now this was in front of the kids... *Again* Never mind that I paid over 1500.00 for his Tag watch!! or £15,000.00 for the car... ok not going to go on.. but it is the"Let's make the wife look stupid" that I really hate. But this time I think it sort of bit him on the arse.... as they are older now and could see him in a different light, and one that they are not used to!

Goodness our kids will always love us as we do them for what ever reason.... but why put someone down .. is it to make yourself feel better... or just to make them look bad? I am sure also that I am not the only step mother to go through this... after I think we all end up with a GOS at some point.

I got the blackmail.. and then when I did go out.. it was ok for one of the daughters and her friend to stay behind.... Double standards.. *Right enough said or I am going to burst a blood vessel*

Mmm now eating some warm weetabix and just put in my new jvc earphones on my mp3 player... I like those soft things that mould to your ears.. can't do them disc ones.. they don't stay in my ears as ... believe it or not.. I have little ears... *No don't go there .. I can see you now picturing me as a pixie.. large pixie with small ears... something from Lord of the Rings..!*

Been job hunting for daughter today.. she is very fed up with RAC... the money isn't great and the hours are terrible and the BRISTOL BUS SERVICE *Time to name and shame* don't have a very reliable service! She pays over £70.00 a month to use their buses and they don't turn up a lot of the time... and this isn't good when you are stuck in the middle of no where at 9 pm at night and it is dark! So much for the government saying "Use public transport" WHY?????? She was reduced to tears the other night... *I do worry about her.. so going to help her find another job*

Feeling tired.. might go for a nap....then back to more job applications. Will have to start looking for one for me soon!

BBL................ *Wanders off thinking how much food is she going to cram into today as last day of naughtiness!!*


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

True Tuesday!

Is it really only still Tuesday... not that I am wishing my life away.. but geesh.. Tuesday...

Not the start of the week.. not the middle or the end... just limbo... right I have decided I don't like Tuesdays anymore!

Been a busy bee today...All the clan has gone out.. actually felt sorry for GOS today taking the girls out again... they still mention going to Paris and he rolled his eyes and his head dropped... also they want to go to a night club... oh dear the joys of children!

Watched the one girl today after giving her a make-up lesson ... pile on the crap on her face again....ahh well.. they all always know best at that age don't they!

Got a bit cross with her today.. she was prancing around her room in her towel which is fine but to me when you are not family.. you close your door if you are not dressed!! I just walked by the room and shut the door after saying.. your not dressed! Don't think she liked it...

Also they are using a new towel everyday.. what do they think this is ... a laundry!! Might get GOS to do the washing then he might understand how I feel.

Was doing breakfast... on asking one.. she said not hungry.. so made GOS's breakfast then asked the other who said.. do you have bacon (Yes but my father has to bring it from the uk as they dont' do it here!) then I will have bacon and egg on toast.. I looked at her and said what do you think this is a cafe! Then I get informed that the other will have scrambled egg on toast after I had cleaned the kitchen up!!

Mmmm.. I don't think I like sharing my house...

I went looking for my towels.. in my bathroom upstairs I have some baskets that are stacked.. they have towels for show and they have been using them all ...besides the fact that I put them two towels each in their room!

*Stop your moaning woman.. your giving me a headache*

Haven't stopped eating today.. also had large slab of chocolate... *Hangs head in shame again... must be dragging it on the floor by now*

It is nearly 7.30 pm and they are not back yet... I do hope all is well...

I have been looking at ferries.. to take them back as GOS said he would pay..!! it would be cheaper for us to take them in the car and do our shopping over there and his dad take them back to Andoverian land, we come back the same day!

This will happen on Monday... GOS had a temper tantrum today... had to be infront of his daughter... putting me down as usual.. *This is why I have chosen not to go out with them on these the thought of 3 girls going on about clothes ... puts head in bucket of water*

He was really nice to me when he got back yesterday.. giving it I know you are miserable and thought I would be nice.. eventually I said.. No it was cause you had no one to pick on and make feel small while you were out! He grinned and then said no... *Well I will take some crap but not all of it ... do men think we are really stupid!*

He will be pleased to be back when he gets back.... and then might even be nice to me or will be snappy cause I didn't go!

Think I might go get a coffee cup ready for him.. and wash the pots for their dinner... I am having what we had last night... don't want to waste anymore food!

BBL.... I think.....


Ahh a comment.. a comment... how lovely!!! Thank you.. sadly these are not students but two of them are GOS's daughters.. and the other is a friend of theirs.

Had hooo hars at dinner.. I cooked the dinner and asked one to lay the table while I finished everything of.. she sat on my laptop.. I waited and hadn't even started my dinner! So I just did it myself.. she then when I had finished said I was going to do that.. I calmly replied.. I did it!

Knowing her dinner was ready she closed the laptop and went to her room! I couldn't believe it.. she was sulking.. at 21 years of age.. she could have said oh sorry shall I go get the others..

*Count to 10.. no maybe 20.. Kids!!*

Eventually she was asked to come to dinner and sniffled at the table for a bit.. then like a wave of sunshine came over her she was fine again and chatting away!

So glad at times that I never had anymore..

Now for the ferry back... GOS has decided that he isn't taking them all the way back and that it is too far for his father to drive so they can catch a train...

*Soon changed his mind when he saw it was going to be about £50.00 per person.. plus our ferry and petrol... then he said the coach... that is £27.00 per person...* So think we will take them to the coach station and then they can catch the coach up... *Just have to book the ferry now.*. that should get us in at 11. am and their coach leaves at 12.15 pm.. and gets them there for 6. pm.... Bet he caves in and pays for that too...

Anyhow.. can't book the ferry without finding out if we have to book or pay for the coach tickets now to ensure they get a seat! *Breaks out into song... I can see troubles aheadddddd*
Enjoyed dinner ... had the same as last night which was spaghetti and chicken with cheese on... yum... might do a BBQ tomorrow...

They are in colouring hair in the bathroom at the moment...

Am I mean by wanting our house back... to be able to come down in my pjs and have a cuppa and know that the kitchen hasn't appeared with hundreds of glasses and everything is where I left it.. *Beside where GOS has left things!!*

Well guess I have to get back out there... sort out the kitchen and make sure all is well and do GOS a coffee.. bless all these woman are too much for him... *He can't handle me let alone 3 others!!*

Wanders of saying I must stop eating this darn chocolate!!!!!!!!!!

If that doesn't make you drool... there is something wrong with you!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Monday Blues

Said I was going to wake with vigor and get back on track today.. but just don't feel like it..

Feeling really pressured to go to places and go to shops that I have no interest in.... *Now this makes me sound really selfish... but if GOS doesn't want to do anything... basically WE DON'T!*

So now I have come across as being a real bore... I thought it would be nice that he spend some bonding time with his kids as over the years not seen that much of them... and I know that shopping isn't something he likes.. but they are not babies anymore and shouldn't need entertaining... after all if it was my daughter *Whom he has been good to but also cross with several times over the years* he would drop her off at the station and not pay for her to go on the train.. and that would be if he felt like taking her.

No.. this isn't about wars of kids at all.... and I am not wanting not to go cause he doesn't ever want to go if it is somewhere I want to... I just dont' fancy walking around clothes shops all day! Think I have reached a time in my life where if I don't want to do something I shouldn't have to explain my reasons why.. MEN don't!

I am also feeling a bit confused... one minute he is digging at me about money.. *I only ever do the food shopping, he is lucky I am not one of these wives who goes out weekly or even monthly.. or yearly to beat the credit card for clothes or naff stuff like that!* and then the kids say he is paying for their trips back... now this is fine for me... but I am a little upset that he couldn't tell me this himself... maybe he thinks the kids won't tell me. *Rather odd, reminds me of the Phil Colins song.. Seperate lives.. is that the one.. will have to go look on you tube.. yes I know how to use youtube!*

No.. not the song I thought it was.. but still a lovely song!...maybe it was just the title!

Well the girls are off out today and yet none of them are up... I am going to clean the kitchen.. and wake them up... so they can get ready. Hopefully a nice day out for them.



Everyone has gone out... the house is peaceful and I still have some cleaning to do.... GOS has gone out with them.. so no doubt they won't really want feeding when they get back... but will give me the.."We never had anything to eat" and I will still end up cooking.

Have been wondering today... am I feeling miserable or am I facing facts now? Not sure... just know I don't feel right... but then don't think I have for a long time.

Just sent Daughter a message asking her when she can come over next... I miss her terribly.. *So much just writing that has made me fill up.. must be hormonal.. so do you think I would get away with murder?*

Do you ever have those days when you just want to scream... when you want things your way or no way... OMG I am turning into GOS! Do we do that... over time? Turn into our partners and then have to listen to them say how selfish we are blah blah and yet they don't see how much like them we have become as they want to rule the roost all the time?

To cross to type more.... grrrrrrrrrr

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Back from the UK

Ahh yes.. I am back... and feel like 4 stone heavier... and shockingly enough I have just had some chocolate!!1 *I will never learn..*

Giving myself till Monday then I am going to get back on track... I want a day or so here to settle back in and get some food shopping in and then hey presto back to work and get rid of all this extra weight I have put back on grrr!

While away.. did I say we got a Wii...a telly for the bedroom and my brother gave me a stereo for the lounge and outside when I am in the pool...

Oh will have to catch up later as want to see if I can get into the shed to feed the boys!


Back... that is them sorted... oh yeah.. the darn mosquitos have got me already... three and not even been back for 24 hours.. darn swines!!

We have staying two of GOS's daughters and one of their friends... they are with us for a week... will see how that goes throughout the time.

Good news Good news... *Yes finally something good to write about * The dishwasher lives!!!!!!!! Thank goodness too as we are going through a lot of glasses etc and I just didn't fancy standing there washing all day! So no more kicking and cursing the dishwasher... I love the dishwasher again... it is my best friend and I am sure over time it will grow to love me again!

Got the Dawn French "Dear Fatty" book while away.. so going to spend some time reading that... the first chapter nearly had me in tears!! Well not chapters she has done them in letters which I think is a lovely idea. I have always admired her strength and such a pretty woman!

Is it nice to be home? Well yes it is... but part of me feels very sad to be away from my family... I think I have spent long enough now... but I also love my home.

Odd isn't it how you can go away and when you get back it is like you haven't ever been away! I texted my father to let him know that I am missing him and love him and he replied... *He doesn't normally* but told me it isn't the same when I am not around.... hoping that is in a good way!

Have the unpacking to do.. but think I will leave that for tomorrow.. was getting myself stressed today with doors open and flies getting in... *this is cause we are in the countryside and have cows in the field next to us and gee they attract the flies!* I know that there is no point in getting stressed as will just have to go round and clear them out when everyone has gone indoors for their showers etc!

Is wondering now how selfish I may have become in my older age? Do I really like sharing things with other people? *I will have to think on that and get back to you!*

Missing daughter very much.. she has been cracking on with her driving and I am so very proud of her.

No use for the slinky black nighty or the sexy pink one while away.. waste of suitcase space! *Typical*

Ahh just listening to "Bread".. why are most things I like food related... *I tell the again the world is against me*

Couldn't get over how much the roses have grown while away.. went out to dead head some this afternoon.... made me think of my lovely sister, some of the roses are just so stunning ... such striking colours and she was just beautiful.

Oooo started taking vit b6 ... *Hoping it will help with my hot flushes...will have to wait and see* Think while everyone is downstairs doing their karoke I will go do my wii fit!!


I was really good... oh it is now 10.15pm....

Having done the Wii fit for an hour.. ran up the stairs and had a shower... changed and then out to the shops to get food for the kids.. *Can't let them starve now can I*
Back to cook... then do all the ladies eyebrows in the house then on to mini facial for one .. followed by a make up lesson and application.

Then cooking again and cleaning of course... *Almost hugged the dishwasher for just being there* then back to doing a cleanse and full make up...

GOS has done nothing but moan at me today and try to blackmail me into going to Paris...trying to make me feel bad and twisting everything I say! Why do men do this? Or do I have the only one that does?

Anyway... I need your help....

Take a look at both photos below and tell me... which photo do the girls in it look better?

I am on about their make-up not hair or anything else...

*Please post as a comment at the end of this thread... thanks*


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Scorching Hols!

Well ... I don't know where the days are going...the food is being piled in.. *Hangs head in shame*.. and having the usual traumatic times over here!

Yesterday was like a day that you would watch in a film!! Well part of it.. We were in my brother's shop and heard this hissing.. the next thing is I see my brother lunge towards me grab my arm and shout GET OUT NOW and pushed me towards the door.. .as I am running out I look behind and see flames. It turned out that the repair guy had set fire to a fridge freezer and the gas had caught light! It was happening so quick... he stayed in to put it out.. and goodness knows how he managed it as the flames were roaring. He was ok and I am proud that he always manages to remain calm in any situation! *Thought I might look like a bit of streaky bacon if it had blew*

Have to say it did shake me a bit....odd what gets you thinking!!

Had to say goodbye to LM on Monday and that reduced me to tears... hate having to say goodbye to her.. it is like saying bye to my beloved sister over and over again. I did ring yesterday to see if I could speak to my niece.. but she was out!

I have been shopping.. *Last saturday* that was ok... managed to get myself some jeans and a top! Just so wish that it was in a smaller size.. but the way I am eating ... I am surprised if I am in them long... really must take a grip *And not a grip on the chocolate and cheese, it is like I am a woman possessed and eating anything that comes into view!*

Not sleeping well here.. I get up early and tackle a few jobs.. weeding out the front and back.. but have the VAT to do for my brother... that seems to drag!!

With this over eating I dread to get on the scales... but I know when I get back I will have to... Have another 10 days till I get back so if I can be really careful and try really hard I might lose the loads I feel I have put on while being here so far!!

I think if I keep writing it down.. as this seems to keep me more on track.. I am better. Even if I don't stick to the SW regime at the moment .. eating more healthily will be better than nothing.


Cup of tea...

2 pears

Wow they are talking of pressure cookers on the telly... my father got me one when I was about 18.. it was brilliant... always used to make this carribean chicken dish in it.. I wouldn't mind another one.. don't know what they are taking the micky out of.. they are brillant!! *Am I showing my age now??*

Just realised I have missed not writing in here.. it is a good way to release.... so here I am now... everyone is in bed... and I am sat here in sexy black nighty and long black cardi *Sexy look not!* typing away..

Trying to arrange a girly night out or something to eat somewhere *Good food only* with a friend over here... but so far.. they spend far too much time on the phone at work!! Yes... think it is work related .

Oh goodness.. do you ever watch these chat shows on the box...Jeremy Kyle I think... where do they get these people from? The title today... "Your not fit to be my granddaughters dad!" Oh dear... I wonder what that will entail... lots of heartache for the families and amusment for the audience.. is it really the way to air your problems in public like that?

I might start a thought for the day....How many positive thoughts do you have in a day? ... I would like to say that I do try to see the positive side of things throughout the day.

Have to dash .... everyone has just got up!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


A lovely blog worth visiting... not just cause she is doing a give away but fantastic if you love shabby chic!

Country In The Town....

Monday, July 27, 2009

Last July Official Weigh In

Drat.. darn.. and all the other stuff that goes with it....

Delicately got on the scales *As if that is going to make any difference, but I live in hope!* and it says 3 lb loss not as much as I wanted... still have another 1.6 to go to make it back to my 4 stone.... why did I have to get poorly... Not only is my body against me but the worlllllllllllllllld.. Do you hear me!

Ok.. so I was a little naughty at the weekend... I did have a small hot dog sausage, some small glasses of champers... brie.. ahh don't make me go on.. it is painful to recall... upset with myself now..... But then again .. on the other hand.. I did have a lovely time.

Not written much this week really have I... see this is the true life of a middle aged woman...!!

Got the lawn done yesterday.. cleaned out the rabbits and have the ironing still to do but these hay fever tabs really do make me tired!!

When I woke this morning to look at my lovely mowed lawn.. the darn mole has been up and made a couple of hills... please don't tell me we are back to finding ways to get rid of it!! We have tried.. traps.. *Dug them back up!*.. broken glass *Dug that back up to!!*... smoke bombs *Don't work* oh lots of things... guess it is the joys of living in the countryside!

Today we are going to Dennly Parc... should be fun.. have to do some ironing grab a shower and get sorted... Might take a picnic... goodness knows what I am going to eat... *Hangs head in shame now before we even start*

Well can't sit here have things to do... hopefully write more later.....

*Walks off praying to be slim... pray with me for goodness sake!*


14.31 pm

The rain.. wow the rain... so that has put a stop to going out today! Such a shame as LM was so looking forward to going.. so said that if it is sunny tomorrow we will go then.. she cheered up and asked to go on the Sims...... how could I say no to a beautiful little face!

GOS got up... spent some time looking for a cd and is now working on that downstairs while I clean the kitchen.. washing.. ironing .. change the beds and start to pack for going away.... *Sometimes I wonder if I should have been born a bloke.. and kick back and just scratch my crutch!*

Not sure I am pleased about the woman always being the homemaker!! OR having to do the chores around the home! Is it cause we notice things.. and they don't and if we ask for help.. .we are nagging or moaning!

I wonder if I just stop doing things he will notice and not take it for granted! I have not objection to doing my share or more ... but for it to be noticed would be nice!

So looking forward to going away.. not saying goodbye to LM.. that is going to be hard... but to see Daughter. Oh now there is another story.... she was told she was staying on at RAC and get an extra 400 a month.. now that has all fallen through.... So I have been looking for more jobs for her.... she seems to be so unlucky... but she is still planning to stay on there till Jan unless something else comes along.. *I really hope it does*

Ha...the woman called Emily Horne who commited bigamy... well what can one say... I have one GOS.. don't think I could cope with 5 moaning all the time! She is looking at about 7 years in prison.. what a load of crap... what about all these people that kill others and they get less... what is up with the UK? *Wonders if she had the same dress for all of the weddings?*

Can't watch the news... it is always so depressing.. why do people always have to hurt others? What is the matter with these people!

Just had a bag of crisps and three small meringue twirl things... *What's up with me.. why do I want to sabotage my efforts... think the weekend is starting to stress me out*



Talk about being totally stupid... I think I have just eaten the entire contents of the house!!! So don't think I will be losing this week and I am only on day one of a new week! *What a plonker*

Have been thinking about freelance writing... just wonder if I could cut the mustard in that? Might have a look at a few courses.... I mean I have written courses that are taught all over the world so I guess I could or might be able to do it!

Think it is time to start dinner... going to do jacket spud with cheese and homemade burgers! Should be good.. just have to find space for them now... also some salad!

Also is time for Come Dine with Me.....

BBL.... maybe...


2.38 am

Well feeling really disgusted with myself at the moment... so blew today and will probably take me another two weeks to lose what ever I ate today.. plus also want to lose the other 1.5 lb! And going away on Thursday and it is going to be so hard to stick to it over there... will be gone for 10 days to 2 weeks.

Going to have to be really strong and make sure that I have plenty of healthy food around me to eat... *Oh why wasn't I born ugly and thin than stunning and large!!*

Have to go to bed... got to be up in the morning... Night all

Total syns... a years supply in one day!!!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Missed Day!!

Where are the days going....

Having LM here is great... we get to do lots together but the days are just whizzing by!!..

Went for dinner last night with GOS and LM... to a friends.. it was her husbands 60th birthday.. so took some bubbly round... and to be honest let go.. had 4 glasses wooohooo! I know not like me... also had a hot dog sausage..a really small bit of brie, about 10 half peanuts.. then got back and had some pastry thing with chocolate in and a few crisps.. so totally blew it for this week haven't I... But all in all.. I had a good night.

Was lovely to have a night out... I actually felt like I fitted in...*Oh where did that come from?*

Feel like I haven't stopped today.. have a couple of cards to make and just managed to do one.. clean the kitchen down then go on to prepare dinner... do the lunch.. make ice-cream ... still want to do the ironign and then get on with mowing the lawn. LM is on Sims.. she is addicted but she is doing reading to play on there so pleased with her.

Just drinking my coffee then make a start on the ironing!! *Such a joy being a woman* GOS is sat on his reclining chair oppposite me.. he has spent the day watching the racing and I think that has worn him out... he is now wanting a nap!

Found out that GOS's ex will be in the same place as us at the weekend... not sure how that is going to turn out! *Could be fun and games all round... poor GOS all he wanted was to see his kids. * Maybe he doesn't think of things like I do... but then again who does.

Other friend up the road is doing a meal tonight for the ones we went to last night... he told me today that he would have invited me but I am so fussy he coudln't be bothered! I didn't think that was very nice. has really made me think about how people see me...

*Wanders off pondering*


Friday, July 24, 2009


Yep you guessed it... I have been awoken with a tingling in my lip.. so toodled off to the bathroom to discover that my lower lip has been bitten!!! *I was blessed with fuller lips.. but this is ridiculous...*

After getting a wet flannel.. tried to get some sleep but the thought of getting bitten again and trying to fight with the paranioa of being bitten on the tongue or something and not being able to breath! *It can happen you know!!* I must have dozed for about half hour and got woken again with my finger throbbing... I decided to get up in the end as my left forearm was throbbing too... only got to the downstairs bathroom and looked in the mirror! Quasimodo was looking back at me *Sigh.. yes on the bridge of my nose.. my lower lip and the right side of my chin....hangs head in shame and thinks of ways to ease it*

So I set on another quest of how to ease prevent and kill mosquitos! *People would pay thousands for a lip like mine at the moment.. no puckering up.. *

First page I came across said to rub banana skin on the area... now at the time the arm was swelling and burning and stinging... so I did this.. and hey presto.. that has eased it for a while.. also on the finger... tried the lip.. but that has just annoyed it even more!

They say not to break the skin with scratching.. cut your nails

*Any slight tingle now on my body I am getting paranoid and I am now feeling very tired, but too scared to go back to bed incase I get bitten again and again and again.. I guess I could always tell people I am really a size 10 and my whole body has been bitten.. what do you think?*

Another site said to use bicarb mixed to a paste.. have used that on sunburns... but doesn't prevent does it!! But does work on sunburns .. so remember that if you are an avid sun worshiper!

Now another said to eat lots of garlic... one said to spray with lavender, lemon oil...that citronella doesn't work..

They say not to wear dark colours.. *Yeah the fat girl loves wearing bright colours to draw attention to herself.. NOT* Also make sure that you are completely covered.. *Like I would go out in a bikini anyway!* No.. no it does say.. all arms and legs covered.. put thick trousers and top on and tuck the trousers in some socks *Ahh see now that sounds really attractive doesn't it*

Believe me I have tried most things as when we lived in Germany.. I was also eaten alive there... like this.. and haven't been bitten like this here before!!

It also says that they like to bite people who are over weight... *Yeah pick on the fat people why don't they... *

GOS sometimes get bitten and there he was last night sprawled out.. really hot.. nearly naked.. but no.. they go for me!!

The sky has gone really dark outside.. I have just had to get the washing in which has had a short sharp shower on it.. *Not turning out to be my day is it* Just loaded other washing I had waiting to dry into the dryer .. so might crack on with some ironing in a while...

*Whispers.. dare not say what next.. as something else bad always happens... * No I don't always look on the dark side of things.. I do try to think of positivity.. but it seems to be one thing after another... why is that? All I want is a happy life... *Don't we all I guess*

Have been chatting away to an old friend just now on MSN.. wow some of the times and laughs we had together. Ahh those were the days... how you had no worries in the world but when was the next night out.. what to wear, who was going out etc.... The 80's music... ahh memories...

Right back to Mossy remedies.. bbl...