Sunday, October 18, 2009

Ahh is it Sunday again!

I have been battling with myself again... I am going into more positive thinking with my back... I have to learn not to worry what others think... and learn to let things go.  I think I am carrying all these years of stress on or in my back and that this is contributing to my back problems!

It has been nearly 2.5 weeks since I pulled a few muscles and they should be getting better.. well they are just not as quick as I would like!  *Nothing is ever as quick as I would like it it be!*

The diet.. well I am still be careful.. but saying that this morning I did have two pieces of toast with butter.. Mmmm real butter and marmite... *Marmite is the only thing there that I could eat freely ...damn!*

One day at a time eh!  Always one day at a time.

Had a big chat with GOS last night and got a lot off my chest.. or should I say back!  And I keep saying affirmations to myself...I love myself and am a good person and I will be free from pain... then I throw in that what others think doesn't matter and let go off it all.  I find if I do this with deep breathing I do relax more.

Goodness I know how to relax.... nope not with a drinkypoos or fags... as I dont' do either... Oh crap.. what a life!

But I have to set myself some goals of what I want out of my life.  and stick to them to make them work.

So here are a few...

Lose weight
Be healthy
Be happy
Not be self consious
Not to worry what others think of me
Do what I like
Express myself more verbally so not to hold on to emotions.  *Can manage this with loving things, but can't seem to tell people what I think when they hurt me*
Learn to love myself
Realise that I can not change my past.
Let go of old emotions
Dump a lot of thoughts

There that is a few to be getting on with.... I know that Rome wasn't built in a day ... so baby steps!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Day Two......

Yeah ok.. so I had a few crisps last night and ermm I didn't have gravy and made the pork roast a healthy one... but might have had a little too much pork...  but then I counted that as 2 x hs so that is ok.. I guess!

Today so far...

B.. 2 bananas and an apple

L:  Tin spag and a yogurt and coffee.

HA. Milk.

Getting so frustrated still with my back... I just want to be normal and be able to get around without thinking that hurts... goodness I am not old  yet!  *Or maybe I am..eek!*

Dinner was.... a soya cottage pie... was actually lovely... 1.5 syns as I added parm cheese to the spuds!

Had some fruit and then took some crisps and allotted liquorice to bed to munch on while watching Medium!   *Wish I was a medium... in both senses *

Oh poop not sure what I did there!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What Again!

Oh gee... if you were me you too would be beating yourself up!  I feel the weight clinging to my hips etc again and I so want to say.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... but the will power seems to have just taken a run and jump!

Think we are on Wednesday and every day this week I have got up going... "Today's the day!"  only to find that I eat the wrong things and then feel guilty and then eat more.. and you of course I see I am in that trap again!

I think I need to plan more.  Get myself really sorted.  I know my back pain/strain has been getting me down.  Actually reduced me to tears rather a lot!

There is so much I want to do... not just slimming wise... but to the house.  The shutters are out on the back porch waiting to be sanded down and repainted.  Wanted to do this before we go to the UK.  Also the hardware needs putting back on... but GOS will do that.   Then the one side of the house needs scraping and repainting...  just so scared I am going to hurt my back again.

Hurting it this time caused lots of problems with GOS!  The least said about that the better but it wasn't nice!

My brother keeps calling me asking me when we are going over too?  Doh... talk of the devil.. just called and drafted a letter for him.

Well had brunch of 2 apples a banana and a yogurt.  I am debating to try and mow the lawn.. but worried about my back.... the mower has a pull cord to start it and it would be the same side that I hurt and worried if I pull then it will go again... oh I do hate being like this!

On a better note though.. the sun is shining.. although still a chill in the air.

Drat.. GOS wants a roast this evening... what am I going to eat grrrr!  Why when you know you shouldn't eat .. you want to more and more!


Just been speaking to my friend and her sister has cancer... they thought it would be a while although they knew nothing more could be done to help her.  She has just had the bad news that her lovely sister only has weeks and is going to a hospice next week.  My heart goes out to them all... has really upset me.

Also heard this week a friend son passed away suddenly... just seems so much of it about.. or is it just that they are people I know and it seems more prominent.

Heat pack on back seems to have been working well throughout the day... I have one more left.   Going to be a very cold night tonight.. typical it would be wouldn't it.  *Guess no sexy nighty for me again tonight*