Pain Pain Go Away...

Yes..yes.. I am still in pain... feel like my ear is about to explode!! *Still sobs and wonders why oh why me*

10.40am

Just taken some paracetamol.. hoping it will ease some of the pain... *Pray for me please* Strange but if I press my ears tight when I swallow it doesn't hurt so much... but my gum does!

I just wanted to add insult to injury and got on the scales... well just goes to show doesn't it. 00.11 lb 2 oz... so I may be on to losing my usual 1/2 pound! *What happened to a massive loss of 3.5lb.. bah!*

Just realised I have another birthday card to make and better get in the post... best do that tomorrow! Don't have enough stamps.

Raining again... hoping it will stop later so I can get the lawn and weeding done...well some of it.

Think GOS is waiting for the sun to shine to dig up some pots from the veg plot.

My HORRORSCOPE *Wonder what joys there are to come*

July 12, 2009
Although the Moon's approach to shocking Uranus can seem like an alarm clock getting ready to go off, you actually feel quite comfortable in your own skin. You are more attracted to the idea of process, freeing you from having to fix everything right now. But Lover Venus adds magnetism to your personality today, allowing you to get what you want from others. Nevertheless, nothing will happen unless you take the initiative and get the ball rolling.


*Ahh right.. would be today wouldn't it.. nurse mouth ear and throat or lap dance in sexy black nighty... sorry face wins today.. in too much pain! Drat one day window too!!!*


Off to check the wall!!
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12.20 om...

Rain has stopped so might see if I canget out weeding ... but does hurt to move darn head forward!!

If you see on the sidebar... yes over there ------------>>>> I have added a recipe section... *Whoooo hoooo* It will open up the thread where the recipe is.. so you may have to scroll to down the day... but you will get a recipe... SW of course so will be tasty! I will add more as I go along...

Card done...











Thought you might like to see the view from my office window... although not a sunny day.. it is still lovely to look out there...great when you hear the rustling of the leaves on the trees and the birds tweeting...

Think food is calling.... *Wonder would it help if I stuffed my ear with cotton wool?* Stabbing pains inside ouchhhhhhh!

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Thought I would put this curry recipe on as it is really lovely..

ROGAN JOSH CURRY

Serves 2 (Loads) red day and no rice..Free.... for a green day.. use chicken or lamb as hb..so again would be Free.


500g Chicken or lamb.. diced.
1 red pepper...chopped
Tin toms
Tom puree
Large onion ...sliced
Coriander seeds
cumin
curry powder
fresh coriander if available
Lemon juice
chicken stock cube.. or vecon.. up to you.
Fry light.

Add fry light to pan.. add onions till soft.. add spice then pepper and cook for a few mins.

Add meat, brown it before adding stock.. make up stock and add (Half a pint will do) and bring to boil.

Add toms..and puree, simmer for about 20 mins or until sauce thickens and the meat is nice and tender.

I then add to slow cooker myself and have the next day.. but can be eaten when done.. add coriander leaves and squeeze of lemon juice... done!

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5.43 pm

GOS has his musical people here.... they have been here since 2.30 pm.. banging away downstairs.... *Maybe I should rephrase that!!*

I on the other hand.. well I have been doing the washing up.. cleaning the fish tank out... moving things around in the kitchen and have of course the rest of the ironing to do.

Was going to mow the lawn as it is dry but darn face is hurting too much...A friend suggested I go to the drs... but there is a holiday on Tuesday so doubt I will get in now... *Might have to take up drinking again..medicinal of course silly*

Not keen on Sundays... always make me feel melancholy..

Just been down to take them some drinks... *Can't have dead bodies in my cellar now can I*

Yes.. think I will go and clean the brass pans...*Such an exciting life... I have said about three full sentences today.. to humans that is... I can ramble on here for hours.. why do you think I bore you so much!*

Not sure what to have for dinner as hard to open mouth.. *MMmmmm soup or liquidise roast dinner*

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6.51 pm

Well.. blow me!! GOS has finally sussed something is wrong with me... only as I am finding it hard to talk and he said... "What's the matter with your mouth?" I looked up to say and he just turned away and carried on watching the racing *Yes recorded...sigh*
I asked him if he wanted a coffee.. which of course he said "Yes".. he actually came to the kitchen and said "Ahh jelly later" and I started talking to him, while making his coffee.. only to turn round an realised I had been talking to myself... *I feel sooooooo loved!!*

You know if this wasn't actually my life.. I could find this rather funny... Sad woman.. types all day on computer for company.. ignored by husband who she loves and gets shouted at.. often!..misses her daughter and lives in a tiny hamlet with no one to talk to!!

Wow.. that is my life! Hard to think I was a busy bee before moving here.. teaching..writing beauty course, beauty/holistic therapist, nail technician, masseuse, NVQ assessor..treating clients all day... and now... a blog! *My goodness my life has been reduced to a blog!*

The mad overweight blog woman! Well I have my health... *Mmm well not at the moment with my head hurting as it does...stop laughing!*

Still can't decide what to have for dinner....

Noticed that Alan Carr Chatty Man is now following my twitter.. *He must have hit the button by mistake!*

Alan Carr Chatty Man....click on his name for the details of his show... worth watching! He made me laugh... even though I was feeling crap and in pain.. so hats off to him!.... I just loved his interview with Dawn French... she is amazing.

So if you miss that.. here is the next time it is on...

Date	Time	Channel
Sunday 12 July	10PM	Channel 4
Tuesday 14 July	11PM	E4
Saturday 18 July	11.05PM	Channel 4

Think I need to find something funny... ahh this always makes me laugh...

Thank goodness I don't have a cat.. that is all I can say... at least one cat is spared from being scarred for life!

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10.46 pm

Took 2 more ibuprofen at 9.. but seems not to be kicking in.. could be that I am tired.. *just hope I will get some sleep*

OMG it is weigh in tomorrow.. OFFICIAL WEIGH IN *runs round room screaming!* I just know that I am either not going to have lost or lost very little. Was really hoping last weeks loss was the kick start to losing weight again.. you know what I mean ... on a more increased level not 1/2 pound a week... We will see!

Daughter rang earlier.. was lovely talking with her. Can't wait to see her.

GOS spoke to me.. *I know I was shocked too* but only got "A trip to the dentist is coming up then!" and then he walked away... I tried to say it was my ear and throat to but he mumbled it could be the tooth causing that and he was gone... pooof!

Have Alan Carrs Chatty Man show on record... as GOS is watching telly... he may watch it with me.. not sure...

Could do with a good laugh.. just hope it doesn't hurt my face!

BBL............

*Walks off cradling head*
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Total Syns todate... 66 out of 105

B: Pear

L: Tomato pasta thing.. Not nice.. but soft so easy to swallow..and parm cheese 3 syns Lemon Ice cream..

D: Homemade pork chili burgers and SW chips.. with apple vanilla ice cream!



AT:



HA: 1 x Milk
HB: Pork

Syns Today .............3 total

Wednesday... Another one!

Not sure where the weeks are going.. but as long as I am still losing weight.. I guess I shouldn't care... *But then whats the point of being a slim old age pensioner when you can't wear the trendy stuff*

*Mmm... maybe not!!*

Have been messing around with some widgets today.. and have been looking to see if there is a way to set up a recipe section... *Still working on it .. but it won't beat me!

I was saying to myself today.. NOPE.. don't get on the scales.. but I did.. and it read...00.11lb 6 oz... *Up down up down.*

Still no news on change of day off for Daughter... *Starting to stress me out now*

Had a total binge out last night..*Don't know what happened*

Total Syns todate... 20.5 out of 105 and we are only on Wednesday!

B: 2 smal pears + 1 small banana

L: Spag bol Parm cheese 1.5

D: Spag bol Parm cheese 1.5 + SW friendly Rice Pud


AT: fruit erm.. lots...

Crisps 30gm 6

HA: 1 x Milk
HB: pork x2

Syns 29.5 total


Might just have some fruit for breakfast.....*Really missed not having any in.. why is healthy food cost so much*

List of things I have to try and get through this week..

Weed some of the garden

Mow lawn

Clean boys out

Change spare beds

Hoover top lounge

Re-skim lounge wall and paint

Make cards for 18th birthday

*That will do for now*

But feeling so tired.. these darn hot flushes are starting to drive me mad and have noticed in the evening my darn bones ache... *I don't want to get old*

Must pull myself together!

BBL............................

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OMG!!! 4.35pm

Where has the time gone!!...

Nothing prepared for dinner either... no idea what I want.. might do spag bol that is quick and easy.

When we went out yesterday GOS and I got this bag of plaster... well I kid you not.. by the time I mixed it put it on my hawk.. got up the ladder and put it on my trowel to put on the wall it was nearly set.. I got one sweep across the wall and that was it... not like UK plaster where you can wet it and smooth it over either... *Total disaster... just hoping I can sand it down...more dust!! Oh and I will look like a Yeti.. hate being covered in dust!*

I can't believe it... so gutted.. wanted that all sanded down today so I can get on with painting it in the morning and then getting my house back in order..*Bah*

Food front isn't going well today... just had an apple... I need to drink more.. *Wine would be good and into a real drunken stupor at the moment the way that wall has made me feel...I tell you Shirley Valentines wall wouldn't have done that to her!!*

My hair feels like straw...today isn't turning out as planned. *But still must think thin*

Was wondering today.. do people think my rambling are bizzare.. cause really they might be normal.. I mean we all have odd thoughts and what is an odd thought anyway... I mean ... if I had told you 100 years ago *Not that you were around then or I for that fact* that you would be sat with a keyboard and screen and typing to people all over the world... that is bizzare!

I have just been informed that my father's lady friend is coming to visit... Mmm now where do I put her... Do I allow her to stay in my father's room? What if she doesn't want to? Well I will just make beds and hope for the best. Might tell him I have put light senor alarms round the house.. so not to wonder around ...*Hehehe.. oh is that mean?*

Nice to notice that I have had the odd message left on the side panel... doesn't make me feel so alone... *Puts hand to brow and lifts head looking all lost*

I knew I should have been in television...Drama Queen no doubt GOS would say!

Well sitting here on my butt isn't going to get that wall done now is it... So glad really you can't see me... here I am .. white dusty hair... white vest top and red cut off trousers that are too big and red crocs!! *Not attractive I tell you* Oh and this darn plaster stuff down my chest and a dusty hand print on my butt..

*Sneeze.. sneeze..* Time to clean up...

BBL..................

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5.10 pm

Just had a thought... Are bat wing tops back in fashion? *As was thinking about dinner ladies arms and what best way to hide them than in a batwing top!* Ahh I remember those days... even remember rara skirts... not that I ever had the legs to wear them.... Some of my school friends did... *Hate them all .. hate them do you hear me hate hate hate.... Oooo wonder if most of them still look good...?*

I did remember a few years ago seeing one girl from school... in fact was hard to recongise her... she was walking along the sea front with a push chair and another child holding on.. she looked shattered.. worn and well dragged through a hedge backwards... *Was mean of me to revel in that moment.. but I AM human.. well mostly* She had dark rings round her eyes.. crows feet wrinkles...she looked a wreck... and I thought back to how she was before .. at school.. the pretty girl.. everyone wanted to look like... slim.. lovely hair.. sparkling eyes.. lovely smile.. attracted people.. *Like flies to s**t.. opps sorry!* And now there she was... worn out.. then I thought.. I wonder what life had thrown at her... my feeling of self pride for not looking like that soon passed and turned to pity as such. She could have had a terrible few years and that made me feel rather sad... *But it didn't last and I went off feeling better about myself!*

I guess what I am saying is... make the most of what you have as you never know when it will be gone!... I am sure we have all had better times.. but then doens't mean we are not again... so keep smiling...

*Oh all that thinking has made me hungry.. *

Still not done my dance for GOS.. you know the sexy one I was on about.. .. *was thinking of Pole Dancing again... but not sure my wrists could cope with it.. let alone the pole...might have to give it more thought*

BBL..............

I have to make GOS ice cream today.. *Sulks*

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7.30 ish pm

Well all showered .. spag bol is on.. thin pasta is on.. and I thought I would nip here.. just while it is cooking...

Ouch... I sneezed earlier and pulled a muscle in my back.. *Now that is a sign of old age*

Oh brother on phone!

BBL...

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2.57 am

I know... what am I still doing up! Was watching the box and it got me thinking.. *Dangerous I know!*... but was thinking to why we allow ourselves to get overweight.. insecurity..something to hide behind.. lack of confidence.. being told that your not good enough... there are so many reasons...


Having been sent a photo of myself prior to my 4 stone weight loss.. it does really upset me. How could I have allowed myself to get like that? Why allow myself to get like that even! I am not going to come up with excuses.. which I know I have... but have now realised it is all down to self worth.

No one has a right to make us feel that we have no right to be who we are.. or feel how we do... but some still have powers above that manage to drag you down. Myself.. sadly never having a good relationship with my biological mother and throughout the years.. it has affected me deeply and still does. It wasn't till I was talking to a good friend that it really made me think.... I have spent my whole life worry about what others think of me... I had always been told that what ever I did or do was never good enough... always trying to please... so no wonder I never have had a good opinion of myself.

My whole life.... and what a waste that is... I know our past is what makes us who we are today... but those are years... many years that I will never get back.... My friend is very confident.. and I have to say... she is wonderful... she has spoken to me on my good days and bad days... and she never lies to me...and I have the utmost respect for her. It was talking to her...that makes me think... or should I say think more.

One day I have to cut these painful ties from my past to move forward...and I feel this is one of the reasons I have for many years tried to hide behind... but I am going to try to stop hiding... and learn to be and love me! *Not going to be easy.. but I will try most things once...*

I am glad that I have taken the step to change my life... and often when people take step forward ... they do a lot of self discovery... also sometimes partners don't like seeing change... they react not always in a good way to start with. But I think we have to remember why we are wanting to change our lives... and who we are doing it for... Me it is for me... just for me.

Ahh well.. enough serious rambling...*Going to practice some sexy moves before I perform for GOS*

Night all... sleep well!