Ahh is it Sunday again!

I have been battling with myself again... I am going into more positive thinking with my back... I have to learn not to worry what others think... and learn to let things go.  I think I am carrying all these years of stress on or in my back and that this is contributing to my back problems!

It has been nearly 2.5 weeks since I pulled a few muscles and they should be getting better.. well they are just not as quick as I would like!  *Nothing is ever as quick as I would like it it be!*

The diet.. well I am still be careful.. but saying that this morning I did have two pieces of toast with butter.. Mmmm real butter and marmite... *Marmite is the only thing there that I could eat freely ...damn!*

One day at a time eh!  Always one day at a time.

Had a big chat with GOS last night and got a lot off my chest.. or should I say back!  And I keep saying affirmations to myself...I love myself and am a good person and I will be free from pain... then I throw in that what others think doesn't matter and let go off it all.  I find if I do this with deep breathing I do relax more.

Goodness I know how to relax.... nope not with a drinkypoos or fags... as I dont' do either... Oh crap.. what a life!

But I have to set myself some goals of what I want out of my life.  and stick to them to make them work.

So here are a few...

Lose weight
Be healthy
Be happy
Not be self consious
Not to worry what others think of me
Do what I like
Express myself more verbally so not to hold on to emotions.  *Can manage this with loving things, but can't seem to tell people what I think when they hurt me*
Learn to love myself
Realise that I can not change my past.
Let go of old emotions
Dump a lot of thoughts


There that is a few to be getting on with.... I know that Rome wasn't built in a day ... so baby steps!

Day Two......

Yeah ok.. so I had a few crisps last night and ermm I didn't have gravy and made the pork roast a healthy one... but might have had a little too much pork...  but then I counted that as 2 x hs so that is ok.. I guess!

Today so far...

B.. 2 bananas and an apple

L:  Tin spag and a yogurt and coffee.

HA. Milk.



Getting so frustrated still with my back... I just want to be normal and be able to get around without thinking that hurts... goodness I am not old  yet!  *Or maybe I am..eek!*


Dinner was.... a soya cottage pie... was actually lovely... 1.5 syns as I added parm cheese to the spuds!

Had some fruit and then took some crisps and allotted liquorice to bed to munch on while watching Medium!   *Wish I was a medium... in both senses *

Oh poop not sure what I did there!

What Again!

Oh gee... if you were me you too would be beating yourself up!  I feel the weight clinging to my hips etc again and I so want to say.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... but the will power seems to have just taken a run and jump!

Think we are on Wednesday and every day this week I have got up going... "Today's the day!"  only to find that I eat the wrong things and then feel guilty and then eat more.. and you of course I see I am in that trap again!

I think I need to plan more.  Get myself really sorted.  I know my back pain/strain has been getting me down.  Actually reduced me to tears rather a lot!

There is so much I want to do... not just slimming wise... but to the house.  The shutters are out on the back porch waiting to be sanded down and repainted.  Wanted to do this before we go to the UK.  Also the hardware needs putting back on... but GOS will do that.   Then the one side of the house needs scraping and repainting...  just so scared I am going to hurt my back again.

Hurting it this time caused lots of problems with GOS!  The least said about that the better but it wasn't nice!

My brother keeps calling me asking me when we are going over too?  Doh... talk of the devil.. just called and drafted a letter for him.

Well had brunch of 2 apples a banana and a yogurt.  I am debating to try and mow the lawn.. but worried about my back.... the mower has a pull cord to start it and it would be the same side that I hurt and worried if I pull then it will go again... oh I do hate being like this!

On a better note though.. the sun is shining.. although still a chill in the air.

Drat.. GOS wants a roast this evening... what am I going to eat grrrr!  Why when you know you shouldn't eat .. you want to more and more!

........................................................

Just been speaking to my friend and her sister has cancer... they thought it would be a while although they knew nothing more could be done to help her.  She has just had the bad news that her lovely sister only has weeks and is going to a hospice next week.  My heart goes out to them all... has really upset me.

Also heard this week a friend son passed away suddenly... just seems so much of it about.. or is it just that they are people I know and it seems more prominent.

Heat pack on back seems to have been working well throughout the day... I have one more left.   Going to be a very cold night tonight.. typical it would be wouldn't it.  *Guess no sexy nighty for me again tonight*

Tuesday

Right scrap yesterday... that sort of went out of the window rather quickly.... *It was that darn quiche and the shortbread biscuits I made*

Why is the food out to get me?  I can't stop thinking of it.. do you think I need help?  Mmm maybe I do.. nah this is normal.. you always want what you can't have.

Spoke to brother today.. he suggested I come over earlier...  but worried about going over if honest.... I don't like the unknown.

Oh guess what... today is the first day in oh 10 days that I am not clutching at my head... I am not going to say that the dreaded headache from hell has left me ... but it has eased.... *Might have something to do with me saying to myself all the time.. I don't give a crap.. just relax*  What do you think?

Job front.... have been looking on line at gumtree and stressing myself out over that.   Does make me wonder what I would be good at.. and yet I know I am very good  *Yes very good* at lots of things and I am an intelligent person.  Would love to think I could walk into a job... but then I think all the others over there think and hope that to!  So under no illusions there... shame as I am worth my weight in gold... *Oooo now think what I could do with all that gold!*

Am still waiting to hear back from online employer who has been poorly bless her... she is going to be sending me another edit this evening.. but it is already 11.15pm here and she isn't well.  So maybe it will be there tomorrow.

Daughter... she should be coming back tonight from my holiday... I do hope she has had a good time.  I know her BF is waiting for her and is going to ask her to give me a quick call to let me know she got home safely..... have really missed chatting with her.

Darn MSN... it has been playing up tonight... how am I to annoy people if I can't get on there!

*Did I mention I am thinking of food all the time..... blow the sexy nighties... feed me*

GOS has been his usual odd self... one minute nice and the next.. well threw the remote sort of at me the other night cause he got stroppy!  Men eh!

Well I am now going to go into the kitchen to see if there is something healthy that I can munch on ... yes I have to walk past the table where GOS has his bowl of sweets.. in lovely flavours.. also his white chocolate and crisps.....

*Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me.. why was I not born skinny.. ok slim... alright just a little overweight darn it!*

Oh food today...

AM:  Fruit

MDay:  Spag fruit and yog

PM:  Fruit.. pumpkin and cumin soup *Now that was flipping great homemade too.. I am good*  Pork chop with chili pasta ricotta and herbs oh and some onion.

Yogurt.

HB  Pork
HA  Milk

Syns  1.5 Parm cheese 1 tbspn

Might go get some bran flakes they are nice to crunch on... night all.. night john boy

Another Monday...

Yes... yes... where have I been?  Honestly... I have been stuffing my face rather stupidly....

So today being a Monday I thought I would give it another go... as it is this time last year that I decided I was going to lose weight and did... and how all these months have gone by and I have still be dieting on and off and not lost anymore since Christmas.. shocking isn't it really!!

Not sleeping that well... as I have been nursing a headache for just over a week!  Last Monday I woke only to stretch and pull the muscles in my lower lumber!  *Is this it.. is this what I have to look forward to?*

The little job is going ok, I have done four edits so far.... just hoping that she is going to send me some more.

Spoke to daughters boyfriend last night on the net... think I will keep my judgments to myself for now!  *I know not like me is it!!*

So going to keep this short and sweet....Oh except for a nag to my friend who is going to nag her boss to see if he wants to take me!!  SO NAG NAG NAG!!

Todays food....

AM.  1 apple and 2 bananas

*Would have started it today... I made some really yummy shortbread biscuits yesterday and a fantastic puff pastry chicken and cheese quiche.  Just hope GOS eats it... as don't want it to go to waste!*

You know I think all this crap food has contributed to my headaches... well I know for a few days now I am going to feel pretty shitty as with the change in food... but bring it on... SUPPORT ME!!

This should be our motto..... but hey...

I have been good today... so far.. more than my five pieces of fruit and veg...

2 plums, 2 apples, half a melon, % fat yogurt and a % fat jelly....

Well off to do some sanding down and get half a pumpkin from a friend.....

BBL... oh you might want to check out my other blog... only just started it.. so will have to see how it goes...

Crafty gCardz

*Oooo should really put some content on the page... *

It is now looking more like winter out there.. from my office I can see the wind moving the trees as it blows.. also I can hear the rustling of the leaves.  The sky has a pale lilac colour to it...and looking out.. the hedges need cutting back and the lawn trimming again!

I am really a winter girl... I would like to say that it does not affect my eating habits.. *But erm that would be a porky... Ooo food!!*

 

Good Luck Tuesday! 15th September 2009

What have I got to be happy about I hear you cry... I have put on weight.. *Not a lot but still* The nights are drawing in .. *But means wrapping up nice and snug .. and getting the chance to see all the programmes I love on the telly*... well there are lots of things really... shall I list some...


I have my family and friends...
I am alive
I am smaller now than I was this time last year!
My daughter is healthy and happy.. long may that last!
I have a beautiful home...
and I got the job as EDITOR... *Runs around her office like a raving lunatic waving her arms about*

Ok so it is only a part time role... and I am a contracted Editor.. which does mean they don't have to send me work to edit.. but if I am good... and prove that I can do the job.. there is a chance I could go to Senior Editor.. and... as I love crafting.. I could if clever... try and get them to take me on as a designer.. but will see how it goes to start with...

Might start another blogg about card crafts.. *Also crafting stops me eating as I get so engrossed in what I am doing... so not a bad thing eh*

So I am worried to say.. but are things on the up.. I mean I have felt so low and glum since my sister passed away 4.5 years ago... are things going to take a turn for the better for a while.. cause goodness knows we could do with it. I am not complaining.. just there have been so many times I have thought... "Give me a break" and "Why can't something go right for us for a change"

So keep those fingers crossed and lets hope that life is on the up.

The Wii is against me at the moment.... it says I put on two pound over night... grrr... but I again did my 20 min run.. and then my set of exercises with the Wii Active.... if you don't have that.. get it.. it is really good! *But did break my elastic strap today.. so will have to get another one doh*

Anyway... my thought for today is.. to try to remain positive as eventually the goodness has to come round to each and everyone of us....

*Wanders off thinking .. oh am I going to pay for feeling happy about getting a job??!!*


Vikki's Creations.. her blog and the candy she is giving away... worth checking it out!